There are plenty of reasons why you and your boo might not be feeling sexy. Being tired, hungover, having an icky stomach, or even the smell of your partner’s sweat can all detract from a good mood in the bedroom.
If you’re ready to get horny, try these tricks: Unplug from your digital distractions (that means hiding the Blackberry), spritz on some aphrodisiac scents, and hang up some special lingerie.
Find your hotspot
Sometimes the things that turn us on can be unexpected. Surprise is a huge turn-on for many couples, and there are many ways to build excitement. Whether it’s surprise sex like opening the door in your lingerie, touching each other underneath the table on date night or simply letting your partner know that you’re thinking about them all the time, these small surprises can really spice up the intimacy in your relationship.
For some people, certain sounds, smells, or tastes can be arousing. Some people find that listening to music with a sexy beat can make them feel hot and turn-on, while others might enjoy looking at pornography to get them in the mood for sex. But just because something turns you on doesn’t mean it will work for your partner, and vice versa.
Other factors can be barriers to arousal, including being too cold or too warm, the sound of the television in another room, or the sight of dirty laundry on the bed. For some, it can even be hard to arouse themselves when they’re tired from a long day or have had bad breath. Knowing why you’ren’t in the mood for sex can help you find ways to re-energize your feelings and get back in the game.
Learn more about your body
If your libido is on the low side, it could be time to learn more about your body. Identifying what kind of physical stimulation turns you on isn’t just for romantic partners; it can be very intimate for long-term relationships too.
Consider what activities get you physically turned on and how those can be repurposed to make foreplay more sexually stimulating. For example, if you love yoga, try taking a class with a partner to turn up the heat in a whole new way by moving your bodies against one another (think: foreplay).
In addition to finding what turns you on, you can also take steps to improve things that aren’t working. For instance, poor sleep is a known libido-sucker, so make sure to prioritize getting enough rest. Likewise, certain medications may reduce your libido [1]. If you’re concerned about any pills you are taking, talk to your doctor about possible alternatives.
Remember that there’s a big difference between needing a little nudge to get in the mood for intimacy and being coerced to have sex you don’t want. If you’re uncomfortable or feel pressured to engage in sex, you should ask for your space and let them know that it’s OK not to be in the mood. They’ll appreciate you respecting their boundaries. Also, never use physical violence as a way to assert your power or manipulate someone.
Get your libido checked out
It’s not a bad idea to talk to a doctor or health care professional if you are experiencing issues with libido, especially if you think it could be a sign of something serious. But if your low libido is just caused by things like stress or tiredness, or you are worried it might be a side effect of a medication you are taking, there are things you can try on your own.
First, consider trying to de-stress. Stress is known to reduce libido, so getting rid of some of the negative emotions you may be feeling could help. You can try journaling, doing some yoga, or spending time with a friend who can cheer you up.
Another thing you can do is try to introduce foreplay in your relationship. Spending some time flirting with your partner or even just sending cute texts can increase feelings of intimacy and excitement that will lead to the mood you want for sex.
And lastly, you can also try changing up your diet to include more libido-boosting foods, like dark chocolate, oysters, and spicy food. There are also certain kinds of birth control that can lower libido, so be sure to talk with your doc if you think it might be the case for you. They can help you determine the cause and recommend possible alternatives.
Make it simple
When two people in love want to have more sex, it’s important to remember that there isn’t one right answer. You both need to find what turns you on, and what is sexy for you may not be sexy for your partner. Learning how to get in the mood for sex can help you create more intimacy and connection with your partner.
Some tips to help you turn on include trying new kinks with your partner, experimenting with different positions and textures in the bedroom, and having a sexual headspace. Taking some time out of your daily routine to focus on romance can also re-ignite passion and excitement for your relationship.
It is also helpful to think about sex throughout the day and set up circumstances that encourage desire, like sending a lust note or extra hugs throughout the day. Mood lighting, sexy music, and even a little flirting can help. For some couples, roleplaying or sexual fantasy can be sexy. Even talking and emotional intimacy can be sexy.
Try having a sexy day with your partner where you both make an effort to touch, kiss, tease, and talk dirty, then follow that up with a goodnight hug and some kink activities. This will give you a great boost to your libido, and it’s a lot more fun than just hanging out in the living room all day.
See Also:
