A sexless relationship can survive only if both partners are committed to working on the issue. This requires open communication and a willingness to take risks, like trying new sexual techniques or exploring your fantasies together.
Adding variety to your sex life can help boost interest and lead to orgasm. Try reading erotic novels or playing games that stimulate the imagination.
1. Talk about it
In a relationship, it’s important to talk about your sexual desires regularly. But if you’ve been in a sexless relationship for some time, initiating that conversation can be tricky. As a sex coach and relationship counselor, I get lots of clients who come to me in sex-starved marriages and relationships. Many have told their spouses that they feel like their sex needs aren’t being met, but they’re not sure how to address the issue without getting into an argument or creating more distance in the relationship.
There are a number of reasons why couples might find themselves in a sexless relationship, including medical conditions such as hormonal imbalance or erectile dysfunction, and emotional issues like depression and anxiety. But whatever the cause, it’s important to understand what’s causing your lack of desire in order to work together to overcome it.
For some people, this may involve seeking out a professional therapist who can offer couples counseling or sex therapy. These types of sessions can be incredibly helpful in helping you and your partner communicate better, work through any communication or relationship issues, and develop strategies for building intimacy and rekindling your sexual desire. I have seen countless couples at my seminars leave with their sex drive re-calibrated, and I know that this is a possibility for any couple who is willing to work through the challenges of rebuilding their sexual intimacy.
2. Make time for each other
Many people in a relationship find it difficult to prioritize their sex life. This is because of the many factors that can come into play that are out of their control. Everything from work stress, financial difficulties, or family obligations can make it harder to focus on intimate physical connections. However, it’s important to remember that a fulfilling marriage is about more than just sex.
In many cases, the lack of sexual intimacy is a symptom of low emotional intimacy and ongoing underlying tensions between couples. Taking steps to rebuild emotional intimacy will set the stage for reviving sexual connection and passion.
While it’s natural to feel resentment and frustration when you and your partner aren’t physically connecting as much as you used to, try not to let these feelings get the best of you. You both want the same thing – to feel close and connected. So take a moment to appreciate the other areas of your relationship that are thriving and focus on building intimacy in these ways.
Spend quality time together, especially when you don’t have any other obligations. This can be as simple as limiting your screen time and setting aside a few hours each week to focus on each other’s company. This is what Gary Chapman calls “quality time,” and it’s an essential part of any healthy relationship.
3. Get physical
It’s hard to rekindle intimacy in a sexless relationship, especially in marriage. For many couples, sex has been put on the back burner after years together and the demands of family life have taken over. Often, the lack of sexual intimacy has left both partners feeling emotionally distant and disconnected. If that’s the case, it may be time to start talking about physical intimacy.
It can be uncomfortable to talk about sex, but it’s important to make sure your partner knows that they’re loved and supported in other ways too. Physical intimacy is important to your relationship, and you can create it by kissing, cuddling, hand-holding, or playing games like “Truth or Dare” together. It’s also a good idea to consider couples therapy or individual counseling to help you address any emotional issues that may be contributing to the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship.
In a low-sex or no-sex relationship, it’s common for the partner who has less desire to feel rejected or disrespected by their spouse. This resentment can lead to sexual avoidance and other problems in the marriage. To combat this, Los Angeles-based sex therapist Moushumi Ghose suggests that couples acknowledge any resentment they may have toward intimacy and start taking turns initiating sex again. This can help both partners recognize that the other has feelings and needs and can help restore trust in the relationship.
4. Make a plan
There are a variety of reasons why sex may have fallen by the wayside in your relationship. Some people become celibate because they feel their relationship isn’t romantic enough, while others lose interest in intimacy over time due to health or family issues. Whatever the reason, it can be challenging to reignite that flame when you have been in a sexless marriage for a long period of time.
If you and your partner are struggling to reconnect in the bedroom, it might be helpful to see a couples therapist or sex therapist who can help diffuse conflict and provide techniques to get back on track. The first step is to decide whether or not you both want to work on sex in your relationship. If both partners are willing to put in the effort, then there is a good chance that you will be able to re-calibrate sexual desires and get back on track.
Getting back in the game might take some time, so it’s important to be patient and realistic about your goals. Trying new things like exploring a different location to have sex or incorporating fun toys can be an easy and effective way to boost excitement. It’s also important to make sure that you are not letting other factors in your life distract from your sexual desire, such as working too much or having kids.
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