A lot of people are nervous before sex. That’s totally normal! But if you let your nerves get out of control, you’ll end up in a vicious cycle.
The key to overcoming this is by returning your focus to pleasure. Here are some tips for doing so: 1. Practice mindfulness.
1. Breathe
Breathing is an important first step in helping you reconnect with your body. It also allows you to focus on something that is calming and relaxing, which can help reduce feelings of anxiety.
To practice deep breathing, sit comfortably and focus on your breath – This section is a manifestation of the portal editorial team’s work https://tubeallsex.com. You can even do this while you’re doing another activity, like reading or watching TV. Notice how your chest rises and falls as you breathe. Try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Scalisi recommends counting your breaths to keep you focused. He suggests inhaling for a count of five, holding your breath for three seconds, and exhaling for seven seconds. This will allow you to connect with your body, and it can also help with stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain.
You can also try synchronized breathing with your partner. This technique involves syncing your inhales and exhales with theirs, which can be an effective way to increase arousal, create a sense of connection, and feel more relaxed. You can even move around and engage different parts of your body, make sounds, or use toys if that feels good. Just remember to listen and respond to what your body is telling you, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself! It’s ok to get distracted during sex, and it’s important to remind yourself that pleasure is more mental than physical.
2. Focus on your body
It’s easy to get distracted during sexual encounters, especially when you’re nervous. Whether you’re thinking about your laundry list or imagining the fly on the wall, these distracting thoughts aren’t helping you focus on pleasurable sensations in your body or connecting with your partner.
One way to combat this is to practice mindfulness during sex. This involves focusing on your breath and body sensations while acknowledging when a distracting thought comes into your mind and letting it float away without judgement. Another technique we use at Blueheart is Sensate Focus, a series of intimate touch exercises that teach you how to be fully in your body during sex. These exercises can be done solo or with a partner and last from 10 to 1 hour.
Getting back into your body during sex is also about reconnecting with pleasure. This can be as simple as focusing on the feel of your hands in the sexy position, or experimenting with different types of sensual stimulation like making figure eights with your hand.
Practicing mindful attention during sex will help you relax and will make you better prepared for the next time. It may even make you more confident and trusting in your sexual performance.
3. Talk to your partner
A lot of women are embarrassed to talk about their sexual issues with a partner, but it’s important. By being honest, your partner can better understand your needs and help you relax.
It’s best to have this discussion before the situation is in hand, not during a surprise moment. It’s also important to have a neutral environment and time for the conversation. For example, you don’t want to bring up a new kink right before you get in the bedroom, or at the end of a long, stressful day.
When you discuss your sexual concerns with your partner, be sure to use positive language and avoid blame or criticism. It’s also helpful to be specific about your needs, desires and fears. For instance, you can say something like, “I feel uncomfortable when my hips jiggle during sex. I know that’s normal, but it still makes me nervous.”
Having this discussion doesn’t mean you have to stop having sex with your partner. Instead, you can suggest alternative ways to have sex that will allow you both to be relaxed and enjoy yourselves. For example, you could try using a vibrator, taking a relaxing bath before bed or practicing mindfulness exercises while in the shower. You might also want to talk with a sex therapist to learn more about the cause of your discomfort.
4. Relax your mind
Many people struggle with being able to focus on their partner during sex, which is a shame because it’s supposed to be pleasurable. Whether it’s thinking about the laundry list, planning tomorrow’s dinner or worrying about ejaculation, these stray thoughts prevent us from enjoying ourselves and savoring the experience. This type of rumination is often caused by anxiety, which activates the amygdala into fight or flight mode and distracts us from pleasure.
The good news is that you can learn to control your anxiety and be more present during sex. One way is to practice mindfulness, which involves focusing on your body and sensations. This can be done before sex by practicing relaxation techniques like slow and deep breathing or doing body scans to tune into your sensations. It can also be done by focusing on your senses during other activities, such as eating or listening to music.
Another way to relax your mind is to think about the parts of your body that you find most sensual, such as the clitoris or your inner thighs. This can help you return your attention to the moment and bring you back into the experience if you lose track of the pleasure. You can also try to focus on your partners touch, which is usually very pleasurable. It takes time to practice, but over time it can become a habit and help you enjoy sex more.
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