Is your husband no longer giving you the butterflies in your stomach? If so, it’s important to understand what’s going on.
Often, when life gets busy, things like sex can get put on the back burner. But that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it just means that something needs to change.
1. He doesn’t want to hurt you
It can be hard for a woman to find her husband not sexually interested in her. But it’s important to remember that sex is one of many positive aspects of marriage and not the only aspect.
As a couples counselor who specializes in sexual and relationship issues, I can tell you that it is entirely normal for couples to experience problems with sex from time to time. But that doesn’t mean that the relationship is in trouble – especially if there are other positive aspects of the marriage like raising children, creating a business or remodeling a home.
Many wives assume that if their husband doesn’t seem to be interested in them physically, he might be cheating on them. This could be true, but it’s also possible that he just needs to explore new ways of being intimate with his wife. A talk with a sex therapist who is trained to help couples with low sexual desire can be a good way for a couple to start this exploration. It might take a little work, but it’s well worth the investment to save a marriage.
2. He’s not ready
Sometimes, a guy just isn’t ready to get into a relationship. He may be holding back for a variety of reasons, from low self-esteem to being preoccupied with work. Either way, this is a tough one for both parties. If you can talk to him about it, that’s a good step.
He might be afraid of losing his independence if he begins dating someone else, psychotherapist Lillian Rishty tells New York magazine. If he feels trapped or like he’s giving up his own hobbies and interests to pursue you, he might decide bailing is the best course of action.
However, if you have a conversation with him, try to keep it from becoming a fight or an argument. Fighting over this issue is only going to make things worse and can lead to resentment and a toxic relationship. Instead, discuss the issue calmly and gently and try to come up with a solution together. You can even seek the help of a marriage counselor to assist you in this process. Having open and honest communication will make it much easier to resolve the issue and rebuild your attraction.
3. He doesn’t want to hurt you emotionally
Many wives worry that if their husband isn’t interested in intimacy it might mean he’s cheating. But this is a very flawed way of looking at this issue. If you want to keep your marriage healthy, he should be showing his love for you in other ways.
Affectionate touches and words of support can be just as meaningful as any sex. He may simply not be in the mood to do something more intimate, especially if he’s been feeling unloved for some time.
If your husband ignores or dismisses your feelings, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t value you. This can be a form of emotional abuse that needs to be addressed.
If your husband doesn’t respect or care about your emotions, it may be time to end the relationship. It can be hard to admit this, but if your husband isn’t willing to listen or change his behavior, it may be time to move on. If this is the case, make sure you get help from a marriage counselor before making any decisions.
4. He’s not ready for a relationship
It’s important to remember that it’s not necessarily your fault if your husband doesn’t want a relationship. He may have his reasons for not wanting a commitment, and it’s up to you to decide whether or not you’re willing to continue this relationship.
If he’s not ready, it’s unlikely that anything you do or say will change his mind. He has to want a relationship for himself, and if he doesn’t, it’s best not to force him into one.
If you notice that he spends a lot of time with his friends or hangs out with them more than he does with you, this is a huge red flag. It could mean that he doesn’t value you, or that he thinks of your needs as less important than his friends’. He may also be hung up on his ex and not yet ready to start dating again. If this is the case, you should let him go and find someone else who will take care of you. As the saying goes, “a watched kettle never boils.” The longer you wait, the more likely it is that he will eventually decide that he isn’t ready for a relationship after all.
5. He’s not ready for intimacy
If your husband is not ready for intimacy it can be a difficult and frustrating situation to navigate. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship. You can still work on intimacy together in other ways like talking openly about sex and making a conscious effort to engage in foreplay.
Sometimes, men have other problems in their marriage or lives that affect their sex drive. For example, if they feel pressure to provide or anxiety over money, physical exhaustion, power struggles, or resentment, it may reduce their sexual desire.
If you notice these issues in your relationship it’s important to talk about it with your husband at a time when he can hear you, ideally face-to-face. This will allow him to see that you’re genuinely concerned and not just trying to avoid the topic of sex. A one-time conversation won’t solve these issues, so you need to have them on a regular basis to keep the dialogue going. You can even write it out and send it to him or read it to him if you’re comfortable with that.
See Also:
